


I won't sort her

by Aragorn_II_Elessar



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Cartoonish one, Crack, Exaggeration, Gen, Iris is lame, Not for Iris fans, Not for WestAllen fans, Sorting Hat won't sort, The Sorting Hat, for fun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-19
Updated: 2020-03-19
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:27:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23214016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aragorn_II_Elessar/pseuds/Aragorn_II_Elessar
Summary: 11 year old witch Iris West has been invited to Hogwarts but the Sorting Hat has other plans. Pure crack fic. Not for Iris or WestAllen fans.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 23





	I won't sort her

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, Flash or anything else you may recognize
> 
> Got this idea from Chaos Sorcerer so thank you to him.
> 
> And I know I'm on anti-Iris streak these days but that's because I saw a stupid post by a WestAllen fanatic insulting anti Iris/WestAllen people. You all can take a look at the words of the post yourself-
> 
> "I hate Iris. She doesn't love Barry. She loves the Flash. Ugh Iris only wants Barry to be with her. She doesn't want him to be a hero even though she only loves him because he's a hero. Iris is so selfish, thinking only of herself. She was talking about running away with Barry. Doesn't she know if her and Barry had a life on the run he couldn't be a hero anymore? She'd be left with Barry Allen, a man she doesn't love and only wants for his powers. I hate Iris. She's so selfish. She only cares her needs. Why is Iris choosing to help Caitlin over Barry? This proves she doesnt love Barry. Ugh why is Iris trying to appeal to Killer Frost, a woman who was helping to plot her murder? She has no place in Killer Frost's story. Barry should be talking to Frost! Iris has no business being the leader of Team Flash. She doesnt have the experience. No, running the team for 6 months while Barry is in the Speedforce doesnt count. She isn't a genius. Harry should be the leader. Yeah his team with Cisco & Caitlin (the scientists) was pretty damn incompetent last episode but he's still the superior choice. Iris doesn't have a job. Why doesn't she work? How does she make money? Technically speaking I don't know what Cisco, Caitlin, or Harry do for a living. How are they earning money when it was established last season Star Labs isn't paying them? Who's running Harry's company on Earth 2? Iris is such a damsel in distress. She always needs to be rescued. Yeah Caitlin will have been kidnapped twice within 3 episodes and overall has a higher kidnapping count than Iris but she isn't a damsel cuz she has powers and she's scientist. In general everyone needs to be rescued at some point (The most being Joe) but I only pay attention to Iris Iris is just a love interest. Patty and Caitlin would be much better love interests for Barry because they don't revolve men. Yeah technically speaking Patty's only major relationship on the show was Barry and most of her airtime involved Barry (even scenes that had her doing her job) but she was so much more than a love interest. She was a cop. Truthfully, Caitlin kinda has revolved around men. Though she had her Killer Frost arc, they ended up attaching a man to that and giving him the development instead of her. Yeah I know there's a good chance the writers will pair her with Dibny because she gets thrown at every new male that enters Star Labs. Did I miss anything? It must be exhausting constantly trying to twist the narrative. It's no wonder you have antis constantly contradicting themselves."
> 
> Looks pretty old based on some of the stuff said, but doesn't mean it doesn't piss me off. One or two points in this are true in regards to other characters, but counting that out, it is stupid. Anyone who wants to dissect this shit can be my guest.
> 
> And I'm also doing this because of Screen Rant stupidly sorting Iris into Gryffindor.
> 
> Hope everyone enjoys.

Hogwarts Great Hall

Iris West was sitting amongst the unsorted students in the Great Hall. She had been rather surprised on getting the letter. She considered her magic to be special powers only she had. Others having those powers made her angry.

She had used it to pick her friend Barry's pocket a few times as it gave her a rush of power. Her father and Barry had been very happy for her though.

Now she would get even more powerful and make everyone do what she wants because that was the only way the world could work. It should revolve around her always and everyone should worship the ground she walked on. Everyone would be wrapped around her little finger this way.

"Iris West!" Her name was called out.

Iris quickly got up from her seat and sat on the stool as the Professor McGonagall started lowering the Sorting Hat on her head.

"NO!" The Hat suddenly cried out, loud enough for all students to hear, which never happened as it could only be heard by the one on whose head it was kept.

"What is it?" Professor McGonagall asked as Iris looked confused.

"This woman is pure evil. She is worse than Lord Voldemort. I won't go on her head. I don't want to read her thoughts in depth. She is a hypocrite who wants to be worshipped by her own family and friends and never be seen as wrong even if she is. She is a bane to all good Wizards and Muggles everywhere", the Hat said as all gasped in horror on looking at Iris, even Dumbledore.

So Iris was left unsorted and sent back to her home, prohibited from using her magic ever again, with threats of consequences if she ever did, which was exactly what she deserved.

**Author's Note:**

> I know I cartoonishly exaggerated Iris' flaws but that's what made this so much fun.
> 
> Anyway, hope everyone enjoyed and see you all next time with another update. Until then, stay safe from the coronavirus ya all!


End file.
